Don't Want Puberty To Make Me An Idiot
by LittlePancake
Summary: Puberty Is One *BEEP* Of A Mess, from Carissa's POV as requested! There's a new gutter girl in town, straight out of LA and ready to play. She's spunky, stubborn...and she runs on anger. But what happens when the cutest girl she's ever seen, Riley Andersen, softens her flame and turns that heart weak? How will she handle it?
1. Chapter 1

I don't know what I am getting myself into here, especially because I don't know how many people are still reading, nor do I know how many people will be interested in the _other_ side of this story. But, I was burning to write it from a different perspective! And a decent amount of people asked for it! So...enjoy the next installment of Puberty Is One *BEEP* Of A Mess...from Carissa Smith's point of view! This story skips the first chapter of the first installment because I covered that portion in one of my epilogue pieces. To read it technically starting from chapter one, read 'I won't wear dresses, but I'll cut my hair'! Also, I was being petty when I changed Claire's name to Crystal (it's a long story), but I decided to change her name back to Claire. Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

 _She has a very active mind. Anger takes the reigns, usually. But sometimes, each of us will get the chance to monitor dream duty. God, they're so abstract...but they convey so much._

Joy is in awe, staring at the screen. Her blue Mohawk is perfectly spiked- the yellow plaid skater dress complimenting her loosely tied black docs in just the right way.

 _This dream is my favorite one by far, it's a recurring one...she'll have it at least three times a month. It's like...Carissa is watching herself. That figure is standing at a cliff's edge. And she will raise her arms to her sides. The eyes blink slowly three times...until they finally shut. And she allows her body to fall back, right off of that cliffs edge. It's easily a six hundred foot drop. Maybe more. What should be an utterly terrifying experience? It's anything but that. It's peaceful and quiet. It's...euphoric. She can feel the cold air rushing past her as she continues to drop. She never makes a sound. She just... S. And always, just before her body can hit the ground- with only six inches between her body and said ground...she remains floating in place. Her eyes peer open. A single hand raises, reaching for something...but nothing is there. But it's in front of her...in waves- slowly but surely. It's the purpose of this dream. It represent H. Carissa is committing suicide in a morbidly beautiful way, because always, just before she can collapse against the unforgiving surface, without fail, she will remain floating in mid air. Carissa Smith? She doesn't fear death. She embraces the inevitability of it. And she lives every day as if it's her last...with so much passion, Anger should be thanked for that._

The lights are no longer dim in headquarters, and the first emotion to emerge is, of course, Anger. She's curvy, a shaved head, and a pair of black ripped jeans along with a white shirt with a red plaid tie, "Morning, sweet thing, how was dream duty?"

She'll turn around in her seat, "'Ay, not too shabby. The cliff dream again."

"Kick ass, then she slept well. We got band practice after school, right?"

"Yup, she's showering, but her outfit's all picked out. And just as you requested, she's gonna' wear the jean vest again- she finished putting the last of her patches on it. Oh, and we have band practice after school at _John's_ this time- not Claire's so make sure we don't go to the wrong house.."

"Got it- YO! GET UP, ASSHOLES, WE'RE BURNIN' DAYLIGHT HERE!"

Fear is looking over her clipboard. A purple plaid vest covered in various patches. Though she'll argue her personal favorite one is the one that's attached to the right vest pocket _'fuck fear, just scream really loud'_. Her black jeans are low cut, revealing prominent hips, though her body is fairly masculine, "Alright, so worst case scenarios for today: we get our period early, band practice is a bust, We aren't able to score tickets to see _Half Moon Run_ , we don't make any friends at school, and last but certainly not least: cute girl from yesterday isn't gay and therefore we don't have a shot."

"Who- Riley?" Disgust will interject mid yawn, wearing her signature 80′s style ripped black t-shirt and green high-waisted shorts with a loosely buckled studded belt. Her hair is retro styled, bangs tied back with a green, twisted bandanna, "I dunno', she was pretty damn flustered talking to us yesterday. I'd say there's a pretty good chance she'd rather order the taco's from the Mexican food truck over the burrito's."

"But still, how the fuck we gonna' get the ball rolling? We hardly know her, and we only have two classes with her." It's not as if Fear doesn't want this to work out! It just seems like a gamble. And she's well aware that Carissa doesn't handle rejection well at all.

Sadness finally joins her co-emotions, she appears nothing but cynical with that messy short hair with that emo side bang and thick rimmed black glasses, "And let's not forget that it's hard to be gay at this age. Plus, it's even harder for other girls to be as sure as we are. Everyone's too fucking afraid of what others think." If she weren't too busy being nearly buried alive in her black leather jacket and over sized blue t-shirt and leather pants, everyone would be shutting her down real quick. But that's just it: she's not wrong, either.

Anger slams her fists against the controls, "Everyone chill the fuck out! We're just gonna' take this shit slow. There's no need to rush into things. We've got more important things to focus on. Like the fact that our first gig with the band is coming up. We're gonna' try and get little miss awkward crust punk to talk to Riley, but we gotta' keep calm and focused. And if this girl is gay and she ain't out, we don't pressure her. Mom wasn't okay with us at first. For all we know, she could have a really conservative family. And _I swear to god_ , if you punks screw this up for Carissa, you're all gonna' be fired on the spot! Riley's a hot piece and we are NOT risking the chance to date her just because we don't know if shes gay. Got it?"

In unison they will all speak, "...G-Got it."

* * *

She'll run her fingers through messy, short hair. The mirror conveys a vision of a gutter girl dream. So she would argue. Down the stairs where she'll trot to the kitchen in high spirits. Her mother hands off a piece of whole grain toast coated with extra nutella, "Morning, love. Sleep okay?"

The toast is grabbed. One bite is taken and she'll speak with a full mouth, "Mh- like a rock."

Her mother will chuckle, pouring herself a cup of coffee, "So what's on the agenda after school, anything? And you never told me how your first day was!" She's all too eager to learn about her daughter's adventures in her new public school, "You seem happier already, so should I assume you made friends?"

"Eh, none yet, but it's only been a day. But I like the school's atmosphere. And yeah, band practice, but I'll be home for dinner."

 _'Yo, let's tell her about the cute girl we're totally gonna' bag.'_

 _'Oh, hell yeah, now we can really test how well mom accepts her little lesbian.'_

She'll smile, taking another bite out of her toast and glancing over at her younger brother for a moment who's fixated on and episode of _Peppa Pig_ , "I guess I'm also pretty happy because." A pause before she's gazing at her mother again with a very bold look of confidence, "There's a cute girl in my English class."

There's some hesitation from her mother.

It's enough to make Carissa slightly uneasy.

 _'Oh, come on, is she fucking for real?!'_

 _'Hey, this is her first time mentioning a girl crush, give her damn mom a chance. Besides, her face looks like it's softening.'_

And to her luck, her mother is looking a little more positive, " _Really_?" And she'll raise a brow, "A girl, huh? What's her name? What's she look like. So, what's my daughter's type?"

 _'What a relief!'_

 _'Told ya' not to lose your mind so fast!'_

"Carissa will laugh, waving a hand in front of her mother's face, "Stop with the third degree! I'll argue this is probably my first real crush...kinda'." But anyway, "Her name is Riley. I know nothing about her other than she's cute. Medium brown hair with blonde highlights, She's got blue eyes and she's just really cute. Kinda' shy, though. I think it's because she might like me too, but I dunno'. She barely said a word when we talked, but I'm gonna' try to get to know her."

"Well if she isn't swooning over you by next month, then she must be blind." Those dark pink lips will curl into a smirk, "Us Smith women have been known to work the room on our looks alone. Add that in with your charm and I'm sure it'll work out if she's gay too."

"Thanks mom." If nothing else, it certainly encourages her to feel better about her chances, "Oh crap- I gotta get going." But she will take that coffee mug right out of her mother's hand and take a sip, "Mh- you know you're always saying we don't have anything in common but we both like our coffee black."

Strangely enough that makes Carissa's mother...emotional. Their relationship is improving, one day at a time. And, God, it's such a relief for her, "And what makes us different is that I _ask_ before sipping _your_ coffee." But she'll chuckle, "Get to school, and text me and keep me posted, kiddo."

"I will- bye Brendan! Love ya', kid!" She's darting out the door with enough good spirits to power the entire city of _San Francisco_.

* * *

"So, think we oughta' talk to that girl today, Anger?" Joy is itching to move things forward, but day two at a new school? Jumping ship so quickly might not be smart.

"I'm thinkin' we just maybe say hey to her in English and History and kinda' just make the occasional joke or comment here or there. After all, the last thing we wanna' do is be pushy."

"But what if that makes her think we aren't interested?" Fear is doodling away at her clipboard while she nonchalantly adds that comment.

Sadness is in silent agreement with a nod, "Will it matter if it turns out she isn't gay?"

"How about." Anger begins, "We all sit the fuck down, shut up, and relax before we jump to any conclusions? We're not marrying the damn girl any time soon so everyone relax. It's not a big leap! I think casual is best right now since we should play it by ear. Now come on, the bell rang, let's at least try to pay attention?"

* * *

She'll take her seat at her assigned desk, opening up her binder just as the bell rings. In comes Riley, just in time. And Carissa will give her a coy little smile, "Morning, Riley."

Riley, looks as though she's been struck- heart eyes are so difficult for her to hide (though she's certainly trying), "Morning- Carissa, right?" She'll take her seat, dropping her messenger bag beside her desk. Trying so hard not to make direct eye contact with the girl she's so secretly smitten with.

"Yeah, Carissa." But now she's closing up. That sweet face, those big blue eyes. They melt her soul.

 _'...SAY SOMETHING, IDIOT!'_

 _'Ugh, Carissa, come on you stupid little shit, talk to her!'_

 _'Riley has an Eskimo Callboy patch on her bag ask about their music, we love Eskimo Callboy!'_

But just as she goes to speak, she'll be cut off by the teacher, "Okay, so today we're going to be watching the 2013 adaption of _The Great Gatsby_ , you will be quizzed on it. So no dozing off. I will be checking." Even so, movie day? It's enough to make the whole class cheer regardless.

 _'There goes that opportunity.'_

 _'Yeah, but now Carissa's just staring at her- oh great! Now Riley's starring back and she's looking at us like we've got three heads.'_

 _'That more likes the shy girl hiding a crush face.'_

 _'That cocky attitude is gonna' be wrong one day, and I think today is that day.'_

But Carissa finally breaks the awkward silence with a casual joke, "You know what they say, it ain't a _Leonardo Dicaprio_ movie if he doesn't end up dead in the water, right?"

And much to her happiness...Riley will giggle, the shyest, sweetest giggle.

That bring's the tomboy's confidence right back up.

 _'Oh we've got this in the bag, guys!'_

But it's still not enough progress to be able to decipher whether or not this girl plays for the same team. It'll take some more digging.

It's frustrating enough as it is considering she only has two classes with Riley. Nothing but stress and calculations. But alas, Science class. The students are lucky enough to be greeted by a substitute teacher who gives them a worksheet...which of course nobody really cares to work on and instead? The middle schoolers talk among themselves instead. And while Carissa opts to look through the _Aries on Fire_ song book...a particular conversation going on just behind her, strikes her interest.

"But she's not interested in Austin. This isn't news." It's a voice and a face Carissa recognizes. The kid from yesterday who directed her to the main office. Carl, "Why you always pushing boys at Riley? First Jordan, then me for two minutes until I bagged you...and now this?"

The blonde girl will sigh, "Because I want to go on double dates! And I always worry Riley feels like a third wheel with us, honey."

"Oh, come on, she does not! You know we're careful not to get lovey dovey in front of her like that. I just...think that maybe Riley's not as boy crazy as you. Not everyone is interested in dating at this age. And besides, _you_ should let _her_ choose who she dates. She'll find someone when she's good and ready."

Carissa can't help, but eavesdrop.

 _'Should we ask that Carl kid about her?'_

 _'Definitely, but lets test the waters first. See if he's cool with talking- ask to borrow a pen.'_

Like clockwork, she's turning around, "Yo- Carl, right?"

"I might be." But he's teasing, "Sup, gutter girl- I totally forgot your name I'm so sorry."

"Carissa, you gotta' pen I can borrow? Mine ran outta' ink."

"Uh...I actually don't."

But Amanda to the rescue, "Ignore him, he's never prepared- here." And she's handing off a black gel pen, "I'm Amanda by the way! It's nice to meet you. You're the new girl right?"

"Likewise. And yeah, from LA." The smile is wide, this is a good sign. They're both welcoming. This might prove to be easier than originally planned.

"That's so cool! I want to hear all about it- but right now, I need to use the little girls room." Amanda comes to a stand with her purse. But she'll turn to Carl before she's headed for the door, "I'm just saying...I think Riley should give Austin a chance. Her standards are way too high and he's a nice guy- and your best friend."

Carl will shake his head with a sigh, "And I _really_ think you should mind your business, Amanda."

But she'll walk away without another word.

 _'Okay, go in for the kill.'_

Carissa will turn right around once again, flicking Carl's snap back right off his head. Which certainly earns his attention and she wastes no time, "I'm going to be incredibly blunt right now and get straight to my point."

He raises a single brow, placing his hat back atop his head, "Uh, okay...shoot, I guess."

"Your friend Riley...she gay?"

There's a brief pause from Carl before he'll laugh a little, "Are you serious?"

 _'Is that a look of disgust?'_

 _'I dunno' I can't tell if the kid is grossed out or just found our straight forward approach funny.'_

 _'Just be prepared, guys.'_

And so she attempts the friendly approach, laughing along with him, "Yeah I'm serious!"

And so Carl will waggle his eyebrows, "You got the hots for my friend, metal head?"

"Tit for tat, Carl." She wants an answer first. After all, she did ask first.

"I'm gonna' be honest...I actually don't know. She's never dated anyone I don't think. I mean...she's _been_ on dates, I'm pretty sure. But I don't think she's ever had a real boyfriend." But Carl leans back, looking as though he's genuinely thinking about it, "Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if she is and just doesn't know it herself yet. Especially considering my girlfriend tries to set her up every week with someone and she always has an excuse as to why the guy isn't right for her. And granted, she could very well just have high standards...but it's possible."

 _'Wow, this school is really fucking great. He didn't judge us at all for being interested in a girl.'_

 _'Always look for the silver lining in this kinda' shit, right?' Joy is lowkey ecstatic!_

And since the answer is fairly satisfying, she'll grin, "...Then yeah, I got the hots for your friend." And while Carl begins to laugh, she'll punch his shoulder lightly, "But don't you dare say anything! I'll kick your ass."

"I won't! I won't, I promise." However, "I'll see if I can find out for you, but she's a pretty lowkey person. Might take a little time."

"Any info you can get for me would be awesome. And maybe keep tryin' to get your cute girlfriend to stop pushing dates on her. I don't want this to become complicated."

"You got yourself a deal, Carissa." And it will be sealed with pounded fists.

And so, their little game of cat and mouse shall begin.

* * *

"We should be less judgmental, that Carl kid is way cooler than I thought." Disgust begins, "I guess not all dudebro's are assholes."

"Well, at least we know we've got someone on our side who's low key routing for Carissa and Riley to have a shot at something real." Anger is already beyond pumped about where things could potentially lead.

Fear sighs, "I'm just nervous it'll turn out she isn't gay and we'll be left with egg on our face."

Sadness will nod, reaching for Fear's delicate hand, "I agree. Carissa doesn't need another girl to hurt her heart. How many will it take to shatter her?"

Anger simply rolls her eyes, "Fucking relax! She's 14, it ain't like she's 32 and waiting to meet someone outta' damn desperation. Let's just say it _doesn't_ work out, she'll be fine. She always finds a way to pick herself back up."

With a look of agreement, Disgust is focusing back to the main screen, "That's what bangin' on those drums is for. It works every time- but it's ninth period, last class of the day, so let's get focused."

* * *

Art class. Finally. She'd been itching for it all day. Carissa takes a seat at one of the tables, acrylic paints sprawled about. Today? She's opting to paint something atop the blank, medium sized canvas. She simply stares. Waiting for the idea to come to her.

 _'Something political?'_

 _'Nah, she's passionate in her beliefs but hates political statement art.'_

 _'What about something Halloween themed?'_

 _'...How about we do the unthinkable...let's paint our two biggest struggles from.'_

 _'...That's brilliant.'_

Her focus will be broken by a feminine voice, "You know if you stare any harder, you might melt it."

Carissa will turn, laughing just a little, "I just didn't wanna' start painting until I knew for sure what I wanted to do."

"No I understand. Me on the other hand? I'm still trying to figure out how to draw hands for my sketch. It looks like crap."

"Well I'm always blunt." And that blunt demeanor is exactly why she's taking the girls sketchbook, examining the drawing, "Honestly? Hands aside, I think this looks great. It's gonna' look awesome once you decide to color it all and outline it."

"Really?" The girls face lights up at the comment of encouragement, "Thank you! I'm sure your painting will look great too." She'll shake her head, "I'm sorry, I'm rude, I didn't introduce myself and I know you're the new girl. I'm Jensen."

"Jensen." She repeats, "Well, Jensen, I'm Carissa, nice to meet you."

"So is it true you're from LA? I actually visit every summer with my family! I love Santa Monica, especially the food on the pier."

"Yup! Only for a couple years, we lived in New Mexico before then. But I loved Santa Monica, one of the few places I miss."

 _'Looks like we've made another potential friend, guys! This is going well.'_

 _'Yeah, but her voice is kind of annoying.'_

 _'Don't be so judge mental come on, she's nice.'_

 _'Yeah but certain frequencies hit the ear wrong, this is one of em'. Don't worry I won't tell the poor girl!'_

"Well how do you like San Francisco so far?"

"I think I like it a lot." She admits, It definitely helps that I knew a few people here already- my two band mates. They really helped me warm up to things here."

Jensen is incredibly impressed, watching as Carissa sets up her paint pallete and already begins brushing away at her canvas, "No way! You're in a band?! That's so cool! What do you play?"

"Drums." Spoken nonchalantly as she dips her brush, "M'dad taught me, actually. I've always been into music and stuff, so was he."

"I'd love to hear your band play some time, i-if that's okay."

 _'Let's tell her where we're playing our first gig! It'd be good to have some people come and watch us.'_

 _'Good idea!'_

"Well we're playing our first real gig soon. You should come watch, you know, maybe bring a few friends or something. We could use the support. It's at The Crazy Donkey."

Jensen is all smiles, "Just give me the details, I'll definitely be there if I can make it!"

"Alright, cool. Sounds good, and no pressure if you can't. We're all trying to get people down to see us, figured it increases our chances of getting booked again if the crowd looks enthusiastic, aha."

It definitely makes her feel good to know that the recruiting process is going potentially well. And the rest of the class is spent painting and sharing some mindless chatter with Jensen between brush strokes. Even so, she's ecstatic when school is over and she makes her way over to that grungey looking garage she's become so familiar with. It's during their first break that she finds herself starring at her phone. Staring at Riley's facebook, debating on hitting that add as a friend button. But she...can't.

'Fuckin' pussy.'

'She can be such a coward sometimes'

'But we don't want to come off too strong. I think it's a smart move.'

Claire breaks her attention away from her phone, "Yo, hello, Carissa- we're ready to practice the intro to _Starve_. Pay attention."

She's sliding her phone back into her jean pocket, "Right- right, I'm sorry."

"What's got you so distracted anyway?"

It's John who let's out a chuckle, "She's thinking about some girl from her school. She's been posting about it on _Tumblr_."

"Get the hell out! Carissa found a girl?" This changes everything. She'll put that guitar down and immediately she's leaning over the drum set, "Pull up a picture let me see her!"

"Ugh, now you guys are gonna' grill me too? Everyone's got something to say." Even so, she'll do just that.

 _'She better find her cute too!'_

 _'If she doesn't, she's wrong!'_

Claire takes the phone and Casually observes the photo, "...Damn she's adorable. Those big blue eyes even got _me_ weak in the knees."

"Well too bad, she's mine!"

"Relax, relax. I'll be respectful. She's yours so you can have her." But on that note, "Let's talk about that later, let's practice."

There's one thing Carissa is certain of as she smacks her drumsticks together for a count of three, just before she's banging away with all of the passion in the world: Riley Andersen is something special. And she can't wait to see where it'll lead.


	2. Chapter 2

Welcome back, Inside Outer's, did ya' miss me? It feels really good to write again, honestly. Anyway enjoy chapter 2! And let me know if there's anything in particular you guys want to see in the story from Carissa's POV, and I'll see what I can do!

* * *

"For the last time, we are not re-naming the band _Sad Dads_!" Carissa will slam the fridge shut, nearly shaking the garage.

John looks only half defeated, maybe because he's half joking behind that long, medium brown hair, "Listen, aren't we all just a sad dad?"

Claire is too busy texting to give her opinion, and Carissa will shove her playfully for it, "Texting that girl you met again?"

"It's not like that- I mean she's cute, but she's like a two hour train ride away. I can't really handle distance...I don't think. We met at Comic Con and she might come watch us play, I told her we needed the bodies." But enough about her, "So? What about Riley, you should invite her since you're so smitten, and have been too terrified this whole week to add her on facebook."

 _'God dammit, I hate that Claire see's right through us!'_

 _'I know! Those eyes see everything!'_

"I've been trying! I just...haven't had enough time to."

"You have school with her, all it takes is catching her for two minutes and saying 'hey, hot stuff, I've got a gig with my band tomorrow, you should come!' your only excuse is that you're chicken."

"Oh, fuck off, Claire." But there's a small smile there...because Claire isn't wrong, "Don't worry, one of her friends is helping me figure her out. And from what he tells me, he's going to the mall with her tomorrow. Which is exactly why we're going to go there before the show."

John puts his bass down, crosses the garage and begins rummaging through the fridge, "I'm not going to the mall, but you two can. I'll meet you guys at the venue."

And Claire is happy to be of support, "I need some more socks anyway, I'll go with you for a bit, but once you've spotted her, I'm gonna' leave you to it and head for _The Crazy Donkey_. Deal?"

And it will be sealed with a fist pound, "Deal."

* * *

"Is anybody else nervous about the gig tomorrow?" Fear is subtly trembling in her seat. She'll take a deep breath, "This could make or break us before we even really take off."

"I ain't gonna' pretend I'm one hundred percent confident, but I do think it's gonna' go well." Anger is watching the band practice, though she's only half focused, "We've been practicing for months now, I really think we've got this."

"I'm more concerned that after all of this? Riley is going to turn out to be straight." Sadness can hardly bare the thought!

"Well, that's why that Carl kid is a great asset, he can make sure we don't make a fool of our-self. I think we just need to stay confident. We're hot. We've got this."

Joy is in agreement, "We need to get a good sleep tonight, get through school and stay as positive as possible! It'll be fine no matter what."

Anger has to remember to ask before she forgets, "Disgust, what's she wearin' for the gig tomorrow?"

"The jean vest with the patches and studded shoulders, of course. But she's going to pair it with her _Between The Buried and Me_ t-shirt, the acid wash skinnies and her black docs. She's probably gonna' keep the hair a little messy and loose as opposed to gelled up." Oh and of course, "It's supposed to get a little chilly tomorrow night, so she'll be breakin' out the leather moto jacket too."

"Perfect. That's gonna' look great!"

Sadness will finish the topic with a final thought, "Let's just hope school doesn't drag on. That'll blow."

* * *

To Carissa's dismay, the day does indeed drag on. How annoying. She's so anxious and yet pumped for her first real performance with the band! She can't stop thinking about it! Around 4:30 PM, her father drops her off at the mall. She sits for a moment, still buckled in that passenger seat and staring at her lap.

[text: Carl]: Ay gutter girl we're gonna be there in about 10 if you wanna' come say hi!

[text: Carissa]: I'm gonna' shop with my friend for a bit I'll come say hi to her when I can thanks so much bro you're the best

[text: Claire]: I'm at the Starbucks across the street just needed some coffee I haven't slept ahaha

Her father will punch her arm lightly fully prepared to give her that confidence she needs, "Don't be so nervous, monster. You're going to kick ass tonight!"

She'll laugh a little, "I keep having this image of...me knocking over my symbols and just everything falling apart like a domino effect."

With his hands back on the wheel he'll stare straight ahead, "I think the odds of that happening are pretty slim." But he'll eye his daughter again, "...You're gonna' do great, Carissa. Now-" And now that hand is giving his daughter's shoulder a squeeze as opposed to another playful punch, "Good luck tonight, and if you end up needing a ride, just text me okay?"

"Okay." _Now_ she's unbuckling, hand against the door handle, opening it just barely- she'll turn to face her father one final time, "Jump back."

On cue he will reply, "What's that sound?" With a toothy grin as he watches her chuckle, step out of the car and shut the door. Ah yes, paying homage to the song they both love to blast in the car together. _Panama_ , by _Van Halen_. It's become almost an inside phrase for the two of them. It can mean anything from _hello_ to _I love you more than anything_.

 _'Okay, guys, lets fucking do this!'_

 _'Oh, I see Claire standing outside the starbucks and- oh shit.'_

 _'What, Joy?'_

 _'There's Carl and his girlfriend...and Riley.'_

 _'Deep breaths, guys.'_

She's nearly stuck where she stands. Eyeing that girl. God, she's cute. It makes her nervous and warm- what a strange mixture of emotions. She'll take a deep inhale and a deep exhale.

Her phone is slid into her back pocket as she steps forward. She reaches the crosswalk, halfway across and their eyes meet. Those gorgeous blue eyes fixate on deep brown hues. Carissa continues walking, eyes focused on that breath-taking sight that is Riley Andersen. But so quickly she'll look away, focus in front of her and greet her band-mate, pounding their fists together, high fiving, ending it with a simple handshake, "What's good, Claire?"

"Just pumped for tonight!" But she'll smirk, "Saw you staring at your little crush. You almost made the girl get hit by a car. I'd say she's definitely into you." Any gay girl could see that from a mile away. At least it's obvious to her.

Maybe not so much Carissa, strictly because her mind is filled with those dreaded _what if_ 's, "One can only hope!" But she's laughing, snaking an arm around the girls shoulders, "Let's go get you some socks and then I'll try to make my next move."

"Maybe you ought to invest in a pair too so ya' don't get cold feet!"

"Asshole!" But the pair will laugh together.

And much to Carissa's luck, she will get her big break while they're shopping in _Vans_. That's when she'll receive the texts.

[text: Carl]: So listen as of 20 mins ago I PROMISED her that I wouldn't say a word to anyone about what she just admitted to me in confidence

[text: Carl]: So that being said all I'm gonna say is

[text: Carl]: You have a shot...but I can't tell you why...understand?

 _'HOLY SHIT YES!'_

 _'Mad props to this kid for genuinely not outing this is girl! He's a good one I like em'!'_

[text: Carissa]: Completely :) thanks dude! I owe you one!

"So, her friend Carl just texted me!"

Claire is already paying for her stuff at this point, "And what's the verdict?"

"Looks like I've got a shot with her. So, I'm gonna' try to go for it."

"Hey, that's great!" She's genuinely happy for Carissa and it shows in her facial expression.

"I'm feeling so confident right now- I need to pick up some more patches for the vest though, so I'm gonna' do that and then try to find Riley."

"Then on that note? I'm gonna' head down to the venue. And I trust I'll see you _and_ Riley there." She'll wink, "Good luck, stud." Before she's headed out, fully prepared to let Carissa work her magic.

 _'Look, alive, guys, we're gonna' nail this!'_

She enters one of her favorite stores _Gutter Punk_ , immediately heads towards the bin filled with patches. And it's easy for her to select quite a few that she likes. But before she'll finish up, she'll browse through some of the clothing racks, just looking- with no intentions of buying anything from them.

It's about ten minutes of browsing when she see's two people entering the store from the corner of her eye.

 _'Holy shit, it's Riley!'_

 _'Who's that snail trail following her like a lost dog?'_

 _'Must be that Austin kid...he's all over her, how disgusting!'_

 _'Should we intervene?'_

 _'Give it a second, let's not make it weird unless he does.'_

Carissa is watching carefully. Riley picks up a pair of black jeans covered in various patches. _That's_ when it _does_ begin to get weird. Though the music in the store is pretty loud, she's able to pick up on the conversation. And she watches those grimy hands reach to grab Riley's waist from behind pushing her for some sort of response to, "Come on, we're practically dating, aren't we?"

The girl who's clearly disinterested stands her ground, "Please. Don't get so close to me like that." And when Austin attempts to argue his case, "No no we're not– I'm really sorry, but, I literally have no idea where you got that from. "

 _'Okay. Time to intervene, this kid is straight up garbage and he's not listening.'_

 _'Ten bucks says he grows up to be a rapist, he's gross!'_

Carissa can't very well let this continue. That tenacious teen will step right between the two bodies, she's ready to make her move, " Oh man you'd look _nice_ in those. "

 _'You go, Carissa!'_

 _'That's our girl!'_

She'll grin, "You gonna' buy those?"

Austin isn't about to stand before this. He looks Carissa up and down with nearly too much judgement for one pair of eyes, "Do you mind? You just shoved me away from my girlfriend."

"If she's your girlfriend, she must have low expectations." She'll momentarily look to Riley who's smiling the smallest smile, and she'll return it for a split second before she's back to locking her gaze with Austin, "Not to mention I just heard her say she wasn't, so I'd go meet up with your cluster fuck of friends you passed this place with before I shove my boots up your ass."

"Tch, whatever, dyke."

"Best damn dyke there is." She'll embrace it, rather than take offense to the word. Can't let Austin win, can she? And she's not about to sit there and let some guy have his way with a girl who wants no part of his advances. Women who don't stick up for other women are just as bad as your average scumbag, regardless of whether or not they're gay.

"Don't catch the gay, Riley."

Carissa's eyes remain cold, fixated on that figure before he's entirely out of sight.

 _'Yeah, that's right. Walk away, douche bag. You're not wanted here!'_

Now she'll relax her shoulders, un-puff her chest as she turns to Riley.

Riley nervously tucks her hair behind her ear, "Um...thanks for that."

 _'God she's so fucking cute.'_

Cute enough that Carissa can't even really find words right now. She simply watches Riley every move, as if she wants to embed every mannerism, every facial expression in her mind. Even her voice feels like home. So gentle and kind.

But a nervous Riley feels the need to fill the silence. Especially considering the two of them have hardly talked, let alone had a proper conversation, "My friend Amanda knows he likes me, and like, I told her I don't really like him and now she's playing match maker it's…kind of exhausting."

"Definitely sounds like it."

 _'Come on, Carissa, up the game! Flirt a little!'_

She puts a hand on Riley's arm, gives it a squeeze, "Buy those jeans, you'll look kick ass."

 _'This is going so well!'_

 _'We better not fuck this up.'_

 _'We won't, now shut up!'_

"Thanks, um, yeah I think I'm gonna'."

"Come on." She tilts her head, motioning it towards the registers, "I'm about to pay for my stuff too." Carissa waits for Riley to follow beside her. It's now or never. She needs to be confident enough to invite Riley now. Otherwise it'll be a complete miss fire, "So, feel like ditchin' your friends for a bit?" She's handing a twenty dollar bill to the cashier.

Riley pauses for a moment, reaching into her bag for her wallet, secretly trying not to make eye contact with Carissa out of nervousness,"Yeah, I'm sure they wouldn't miss me too ' just wander aimlessly around the mall then?"

"Not exactly."

"Then what?" She looks genuinely curious.

Carissa grabs her change and shopping bag, thanks the cashier and turns around with a smirk. Leans in close to Riley, eyes locked, "Just come with me…and you'll find out." Slowly she pulls back, and walks right out of the store; stands right outside, pulling out her phone and waiting for Riley.

 _'FUCK YEAH! WE DID IT! WE INVITED HER!'_

 _'And look at her come running! She looks eager as fuck to go with us! This is gonna be great!'_

 _'Now everybody remain calm! Let's not blow this!'_

She'll smile, "Ready to go, Riley?"

"Ready when you are!"

* * *

"I'm so proud of Carissa. I knew she could do it." Anger feels a weight lifted off of her shoulders."

"Now lets just hope we don't fuck up on stage." That's Fear's biggest concern.

"She's a wild woman on stage, it's gonna' go great. Not being negative! She's got a girl watching tonight."

Disgust is fixated on the main screen, "This girl is a fucking babe like what the hell look at her."

"I know." Sadness begins, "No way she'll stick around."

"Fuck off, you couldn't be more off base! Besides let's focus on Riley later, we're backstage, time to focus on the performance."

The emotions watch as Claire teases her friend.

 _'So she's out there right?'_

 _'She is, looking cute as hell.'_

 _'So, when's the wedding, babe?'_

 _'Get the fuck outta here!'_

 _'I'm with Claire, I'm shocked you're willing to genuinely settle down with someone after Casey.'_

 _'A girl can change her mind.'_

"I hope Casey rots." Forgive Anger, "Not that i'll ever know. It's not like I'll ever see her again. Nor would I want to." But on that note, "Let's get ready! The shows about to start."

* * *

Though her hands shake just a little bit, the adrenaline is what's pushing her through it all. They're given their final cue where they take the stage. She sits behind that pristine looking drum set, searches the audience. And though it's difficult from the stage lights, she manages to meet Riley's eyes for a brief moment.

 _'This one's for you, Riley!'_

And with a confident wink towards her crush, she'll give the final count before she's banging her drumsticks together, and the performance begins- wild and crazy. Like a woman possessed, she is banging away, getting lost entirely in the music. In a way, that's what this is for Carissa. It's an escape, it's a coping mechanism, it's her everything. All of her emotions come out to play when she drums. And it's the greatest therapy she could ever take advantage of. Nothing is more euphoric than when she's preforming. Nothing else matters anymore. It's merely background noise while she creates art.

 _'Riley's headbanging! I never would have imagined she's into this scene!'_

 _'Well she had that Eskimo Callboy patch, maybe she's full of surprises!'_

 _'Focus, guys!'_

The band continues on for another thirty minutes or so. Shortly after they exit the stage and Carissa, as well as Claire and John are on cloud nine.

Claire nearly jumps onto her two band mates, "Guys, we kicked ass out there! You hear that applause!?"

John chuckles, "I'm not gonna' lie, I was terrified, but this was really great. I'm gonna' go find the owner, see if maybe we'll be put on as potential regulars." He's already stepping away, "Good job Claire, you too Carissa."

She nods, "Yeah, you too, buddy!" But back to Claire, "I'm gonna' go find Riley, meet you in the dressing room in a few okay?"

"Go get your woman, stud."

She'll laugh, "Yeah, yeah!"

Through the back doors and she looks around the room until she's spotted by the straight edge bar. She takes a deep breath.

 _'We got this, guys!'_

She runs her fingers through damn hair. Those stage lights were nearly at scorching temperatures! She'll swear to it.

Riley takes a sip from her drink, "Ohmygod, I probably look like a sweaty beast right now." She'll laugh even so

"Nah, you just look like you had a good time!" Carissa will be handed a water with extra ice from the bartender, "Saw you headbanging– you into this kinda' music usually?"

"Really?"

"Really!" Riley can only smile, looking confident and happy as can be.

That smile, that smile is destroying her on the inside it's so perfect, "Got any favorites?"

"Ummm, The Pretty Reckless, Fail Emotions– so yeah, I fall into that drum and bass a lot."

"Thanks, I've just, never really been to a concert or anything like that." She takes a sip of her drink.

"So, did you like what you saw?"

"…That was amazing. I-I mean– I mean– _you_ …were amazing! I just felt so out of place for the first few minutes, but the second you got up there." She looks to her feet, "It all went away."

Carissa, who hasn't looked away from her once watches over Riley as if she's looking over something extraordinary. For her, maybe that's exactly what this girl is.

 _'Keep it going, keep her flirting.'_

 _'We got this, I'm still feelin' that adrenaline!'_

"...Well, it's easier to play when I've got a nice girl watching front and center." she leans over, runs a hand through Riley's hair nonchalantly. But she nearly melts when it makes the other girl giggle the softest giggle, "You gotta' be home now? It's ten."

"Uh, I should probably head out– I'm sorry. My curfew's 11."

"Don't rush, lemme just grab my jacket and I'll meet you out front. I'll walk you alright?"

"Yeah! Sure, I'll be out front. Gotta' text my mom and let her know I'm headed home now anyway."

It's enough to make Carissa nearly bolt, wanting to get back stage right away. She'll enter the dressing room and grab her jacket, slipping it on with ease and leaving it unzipped, "Hey, so I'm actually gonna' walk Riley home, is that cool?"

Claire will laugh. She totally saw this coming, "Go walk your _date_ home, Carissa, I'll catch you later! It's cool."

"It's not a date!"

"Not yet, but eventually you're gonna' go on a real date and you know it."

"All in due time, all in due time!" She'll give Claire a farewell fist bump, "Text ya' later loser, tell John I said bye!"

 _'Let's go get our woman!'_

 _'She's not ours yet!'_

 _'But she will be!'_

The California air is so nice and cool tonight. The minute she steps outside, she's feeling loads better. And she'll spot RIley who's standing alone and staring at her phone.

 _'Thank god, I was nervous she'd leave.'_

 _'You're an idiot why the fuck would she leave?'_

 _'How much time you got? I've got plenty of answers.'_

 _'I'm gonna' tune you out now, Sadness.'_

But now she'll zip up her jacket as she joins Riley, "Hey, cute stuff. Let's get you home, okay? You know the way from here? "

Riley will place her phone in the right pocket of her jacket, "Don't worry, I got this!" That bubbly attitude seems to be slightly more open with Carissa now, "It shouldn't take us any longer than 30 minutes, unless we take a bus, but–" There's a brief pause, and that shy demeanor seems to have returned. She stares straight ahead as she dares to say it, "... I'd uh– I'd much rather walk with a cute girl who's really talented at playing the drums." Followed by a rather enchanting grin.

 _'Oh, Jesus Christ, be still her gay heart.'_

She laughs, feeling her cheeks turn red. She has to cover her face to hide it! That was unexpected! And so...sweet. That has to be a good sign that Riley feels this too, right?

 _'...Should we maybe ask her if she's gay? Just to be sure?'_

 _'Let's wait a little- maybe try putting an arm around her?'_

 _'Good idea.'_

"Okay, deal. Then we're roughin' it in the city streets for a while!" Though she'll hesitate a little, the comment Riley made gives her enough confidence to dare to drape an arm around Riley, who seems to ease into it. What a relief!

Riley laughs again, looking comfortable as ever, "So how long have you been playing the drums?"

"Oh, since I was about eight, I think? My dad plays drums, guitar too– he taught me for a while. and then I took classes in school too."

"Wow, so you've been playing a while. How long have you been in that band?"

"About two years, but we only started playing shows this past year. Claire– she's the lead singer, and just really good at meeting the right people, it's how we get gigs. We go way back. We went to private school together for a while. She left a year ago, I left last semester."

"What made you leave?"

Carissa doesn't really want to get into her personal family drama. Especially when she hates any sort of pity attention. So she'll give a rather basic answer as opposed to coming clean about her parents divorce and the way things once were, "They had us tackle religion and regular studies, I couldn't keep up with both, so my parents thought it was best to get me into a public school." Still feeling confident, she attempts to flirt once again, "…Which is nice because I met you."

And Riley looks to be responding to it well, all smiles and playful chuckles.

 _'She's so fucking cute I can't take this!'_

 _'I know!'_

"But I've been babbling too much– tell me about you. What's Riley about?"

"Well, I do like music– but you know that. And, uh, I like hockey. I play on the team at the community center since our school doesn't have an ice hockey team."

"Oh yeah? You been playin' long?" She has to admit, that's impressive and unexpected!

"Since I could walk practically! I used to live out east, so we had an ice pond, like right by my house."

"Yo, that's sick. What state?"

"Minnesota."

"Oh damn. Hope you know that means I'm gonna' have to embarrass you by showing up to a couple games."

"Oh, you just try to embarrass me! I dare you!"

The two break out in a fit of laughter, pause to shove each other playfully. Before Carissa takes hold of both of Riley's wrists, and the two lock eyes again. And everything between them falls silent.

 _'...I think we should ask her.'_

 _'Okay, but lets ask DELICATELY.'_

"...Can I ask you something."

Riley remains silent before she'll speak, "...Yeah."

She's going to do her best to be soft and gentle with the question at hand. She wants to be sure that in no way, does Riley feel pressured, "I'm sorry if this is forward."

But the look on her face depicts clear nerves, "No it's okay, go ahead."

A deep breath, "Are you, um, into girls?"

Riley looks as though she's defeated, staring at the ground, "...I am, it's just..."

However, Carissa understands completely, "Not out?"

She'll look up at Carissa, "No. No I'm not. I-I'm sorry."

 _'You know what to do, guys.'_

Carissa nods, letting go of Riley's wrists, hands back in her pockets, "So um, tell me when we're a block away from your house." And she'll take her left hand out of her pocket, reaching for Riley's right hand to take it in hers, "Just so that I know to let go before we get to your house. You know, so your parents don't see." And she'll grin.

The walk is nice. There's occasional small talk shared, and even some comfortable silence. In short, it's perfect, really. But Riley has to inquire one more time just to be certain, likely out of anxiety, ""So um, it's okay if…I'm not ready to be out yet?"

Like Carissa even has to think about that one, "Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"I just thought…it might upset you, or make you want to stop hanging out with me."

"Not a chance. Besides, some people don't have families as accepting as mine, while others just aren't ready. And there's nothing wrong with not being ready. So, you just take care of yourself." She's quick to give Riley's hand a squeeze.

And though Riley squeezes it back. She quickly lets go of it, "This is my block."

And so on cue, Carissa lets go, the pair will stop at the bottom of her front stoop, "Well, thanks for coming to watch my band play."

"Hey, thanks for taking me! I had a lot of fun tonight, really– and…thanks for helping me with Austin at the mall."

"Listen, no one wants greasy boy all over them." She looks at her for a moment before she laughs right along with Riley who's in absolute agreement. There's an awkward silence. Carissa will sway a little, scratch the back of her head before she holds her hand out for Riley to shake, "See you around?"

And though Riley is happy to shake her hand, she'll also lean in, giving Carissa a hug.

 _'Ohmygod!'_

 _'Yo, there's fireworks going off over her islands! That's sick!'_

Carissa's eyes widen in surprise, and she's quick to wrap her arms around the other girl's shoulders for a moment. Giving them a squeeze.

Riley eventually draws back, "I better get inside"

"Aha, yeah." But now Carissa is just as flustered as Riley seems to be.

"Oh– um, here really quick–" Riley passes off her phone, "Let's exchange numbers, yeah?"

"Oh, hell yeah!" She's more than happy to do that.

"I'll text you mine as soon as I get inside."

"Yeah, yeah...sounds good! Goodnight, Riley."

"G'night!"

She waits for Riley to get inside before she's walking off, headed for her dads house. She's sporting a huge grin. And only minutes later...

[text: UNKNOWN]: It's Riley! What's Irish and stays out all night?

[text: UNKNOWN]: Patio Furniture! ;D

Carissa chuckles out loud.

[text: Carissa]: You're such a dork lol get some sleep! x

 _'Guys, I know I sound like a mushy piece of shit...but I really think we met the love of our life.'_

And it's the main reason she's feeling everything in the world right now. Riley is different...and Carissa can't wait to see what happens next. It can only go up from here!

...Right?


End file.
